Archive for Sex

RELATIONSHIP SURGERY – AN INTERESTING SOCIAL EXPERIMENT?

Posted in SEX with tags , , , , on November 5, 2013 by drjgelb

http://www.relationshipsurgery.com

An interesting website where people pose questions to the audience of unknown cybertherapists, credentialled or not, and await the flow of opinions. Here’s an example of a problem that I commented on.’

Is my relationship over? HELP. Please.

Here’s my situation: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years (I’m 23 and he’s 27) and we moved in with each other 1 year ago. He is everything that I want in a husband- physically attractive, fun, loving, and professionally successful. Within the past 6 months, something has changed and we fight more often. However, he still plans on proposing to me in the very near future. I was on board with this until I started medical school in August. All of a sudden, I was bombarded with a 100 intelligent men & I found myself becoming attracted to several of them. Because we work in groups & are with eachother every day, we have all become friends and hang out on the weekends together. Recently, I have found myself becoming romantically interested in a few of them (to the point that we hang out one-on-on for dinner and such). I am ashamed of it- but one of them kissed me. I told him that it was inappropriate and couldn’t happen again. It is important to point out that I would never date this man- and I am not interested in anyone else specifically.

I don’t know why this is happening. I have the perfect man right in front of me yet I’m finding myself wanting to hang out, talk to, get to know, party and flirt with other (less attractive) men. The desire is strong too. What is wrong with me? Is this normal? Is my relationship over? Am I falling out of love with my boyfriend? Please help.

My comment was:

Jerome Gelb replied 4th November 2013 at 1:15pm

Seems the two of you have hit the inevitable point where rose coloured glasses are off and being with a real human being reveals itself to be far more complex than starry-eyed romance. The two of you need to discuss monogamy and how you each feel about it. It’s only one of several paradigms utilised by people in relationships. Honesty and open communication about your needs may reveal startling truths but is preferable to cheating, lying and denying who you really are. See a non-judgemental relationship counsellor together, separately or both. It will support your truthfulness and may assist you in partner choices. Right now, cease tempting yourself, because you will certainly stray and then be conflicted. Stay real in your relationship, admit temptation and suggest seeking guidance. If he’s worth persisting with, he’ll value your honesty and the chance to deal with this very common issue in a more down to earth, honest and far less stressful manner.

Others commented too:

“the #1 REASON most relationships don’t make it is 1 person always wants more than what they have and that’s life, we will always want more than what we have. You should see urself in his shoes, how would u feel if he was doing that to you? Surround urself with females and stay clear of other guys, when u r bored have the guy ur with who is planning on purposing to you to hang out with you instead of those other guys”

And this:

“I feel like you have begun to take your boyfriend for granted, rather than treasuring him to the fullest. Have your personal feelings changed towards him in any way, besides the fighting? I think you, if you truly want to be with your boyfriend, need to pull back a little from the relationships with your coworkers and try not to have one on one time with them if you are finding the temptation so hard to resist. I don’t think your relationship is over but you need to stop with the other men and think about your boyfriend. What do you think he will do if he finds out about your relations with the other men? If you are having that much of an issue, I’d also suggest talking to your boyfriend about it. He obviously loves you, so tell him that you are feeling distant (it seems like you are becoming distant) and see if you can work through it. Best of luck!”

Overall, this site makes for very interesting reading and there’s no barrier to having your say. Everyone has something to offer others struggling with relating. There are many channels or topics. Have a go!!!

THE CLITORIS REVISITED – THE FEMALE “ICEBERG” (ONLY 1/9 VISIBLE) GIVES UP ITS SECRETS!!!!

Posted in SEX with tags , , , on September 22, 2013 by drjgelb

2012-03-25 10.23.352012-03-25 10.23.32

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Sophia Wallace and Kenneth Thomas present the world's first ever

cliteracy natural law no. 7

CLITERACY: 100 Natural Laws

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2013-09-16 17.24.54Although the bulk of the information you will read here was discovered in 1998, fifteen years ago, most readers, like me, will not have come across this most amazing revelation of the anatomy of the main sexual organ of one half of the human race. What I find so stunningly appalling is that thanks to the fact that the male sexual organ is external to the body, its major anatomical features have been known for around 150000 years or more……..as long as our species has walked this planet. Perhaps our earlier predecessors had a fair idea too but female sexual anatomy has remained elusive, taboo or of little interest to the male dominated field of human anatomy and Medicine until women asserted themselves in the 20th century and demanded that female health, anatomy and function be researched with equal funding and vigour as that for males. Check out the visual materials being used to spread this vital knowledge. I watched a documentary recently on the G-Spot that now appears to be totally wrong! There is a G-Spot of course but it’s not a “stand alone” mass of nerve endings but is a part of the clitoris that runs close to the anterior vaginal wall and is accessible at that point to stimulation! So it really is true that the clitoris is THE organ responsible for all female orgasm and is so large and so well positioned around and through the vulva that it provides many opportunities for a great variety of stimulatory methods that can produce orgasm.

CO-SLEEPING AND UNWELCOME CELIBACY

Posted in SEX with tags , , , , , on July 10, 2013 by drjgelb

I stumbled upon this Blog Post today and felt compelled to comment, as no-one of 47 other commenters had broached the subject of the impact of co-sleeping on sexual intimacy and overall marital happiness.

MONDAY, MAY 14, 2007 – Co-sleeping with toddler.

As the title suggests, my wife and I share our bed with our daughter, who is currently almost 21 months old. First, just to clear the concerns, no, we did not do this from birth. We are well aware that newborns are in great danger of crib death or suffocation if they are in bed with you, and in fact, know that you are supposed to not only put them in their own space, but without blankets, sleeping on their back, until they are old enough and mobile enough to turn themselves over if they need to. So our daughter stayed in a basinet next to our bed for her first three or four months. Then we moved her to her crib. And she was fine there until about six months. Then grandma (my wife’s mother) came to visit and help out for a month when I went back to work as part of the transition to day care. She would help with the baby at night, but it turned out that our daughter would refuse to cooperate, and so grandma would take her to bed with her and then just let her fall asleep there. So by the time she left, she absolutely refused to go to sleep by herself in the crib. And my wife absolutely refused to let her cry for even one minute, much less the hours that would be required (at first) for her to settle into the whole sleeping alone routine. Not wishing to fight over this, and rather just wanting to sleep so I could get up and go to work, we had her sleep with us. It was very easy, because she would just fall asleep without much effort at all when she was with us, and she was also extremely happy to have both mommy and daddy with her. She’d wake up at night and check to make sure we were still there. I’d sometimes feel her hand on my shoulder checking, or see her cute little eyes in the dark looking at me before closing again.

Now we are well used to it, since it has been this way for over a year. Moreover, ultimately, I don’t think there is any real problem with it, beyond the logistics of fitting three in a queen-sized bed. For the first 200,000 years of our existence as a species, co-sleeping was the norm. You don’t leave a toddler alone to sleep – they might get eaten by a lion or something. The phenomenon of sleeping alone at such a young age is a very very very recent one, and as such, I wonder if it is even a particularly good idea.

Of course, at times my wife would like her out of the bed, but at the same time, worries that she’ll roll out of her own bed and she’s worried she’ll climb out of her crib. So we are sort of where we are by default, perhaps buying a King-sized bed soon to at least make more room. We’ve also put the bed off of the frame so it isn’t quite so far for our daughter to fall, as she decided to do last week, twice.

Also, I admit, I rather like having her there with us. I can keep an eye on her, see that she’s breathing (though not as fanatically as I did for those first months – any parent can tell you about that), see that she’s safe, and enjoy when she cozys up. Plus, she is just so darn cute. Another bonus is that when she loses her binky, which she still needs most of the time to fall asleep, we can quickly help her locate it if she can’t find it, as opposed to hearing her scream from across the house, have to get up, go to her room, find it, then go back to bed and try to get back to sleep after such a trek.

I figure when she is old enough to carry on some semblance of a conversation, we can have the discussion with her about her sleeping in her own bed. I also figure that she’ll eventually want to assert her independence and sleep on her own. I’m not sure when that would be, and that would be a great milestone. I certainly don’t want her there forever. She needs to grow up eventually. But for now, I admit, I enjoy having her there and it always brings a smile to my face to wake up in the morning and see her there, usually totally out, her mouth open, her arms above her head, sleeping like she’s dead to the world, and looking darn cute while she’s at it. And some mornings she’ll wake up and then see me and my wife and have this huge smile and she’ll start talking with us (who knows what she’s saying) and that is just so pleasant as well, though it only happens on the weekends, since we usually have to get our little zombie up ourselves on weekdays when we get up rather early. Then, we have fun dressing her while she’s trying to stay sleeping on the bed.

I’m sure some will have comments pro- and con- about co-sleeping. For us right now, it just sort of “is.” Posted by DBB at 1:39 PM

Posted by OZSHRINK. 10th July 2013

“Just a word of caution from a father, husband and psychiatrist. Few people mention that co-sleeping profoundly changes the marital relationship, often already under pressure from perpetual exhaustion and the stress of a new baby. The year following childbirth is a high risk period for marital failure, separation, separation & divorce. Studies show that co-sleeping acts as a barrier to the re commencement of intimacy and sexual activity and can turn a previously active sexual relationship into a celibate one. Many sexless relationships begin with the first pregnancy and co-sleeping. Beware that co-sleeping itself is not being unconsciously perpetuated as a means of sex avoidance by one or both parties. Co-Sleeping should be enquired about by health professionals dealing with new parents and couples need to be reminded of the primacy of the marital relationship to the health, happiness and well-being of the entire family, especially children.”

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ANTI-PORN CRUSADERS ARE FUCKING BORING (OR BORING FUCKERS?)!

Posted in SEX with tags , , , , on May 22, 2013 by drjgelb

Conservatives calling for online porn bans!
My comment at the article’s site:

Pornography turning attention to women's long-standing complaints.

Pornography turning attention to women’s long-standing complaints.

About the only Porn genre making any money nowadays is non-violent, “romantic” or “passion” porn, marketed to women & couples in many mainstream publications and media. Such producers as X-Art, Passion and Hegre-Art are representative of producers finally listening to decades of female complaints that though interested in participating and enjoying porn with their partners, the material available was far too Testosterone driven. The new direction is attracting a new female audience, encouraging sharing of the experience and generally positively contributing to consumers’ sexual repertoire and pleasure. The massive quantity of free, old-style porn means that it will take some time to be replaced by the new-porn. The proof is in the eating, so to speak, with numerous reports of men engaging in viewing porn with their partner as an appetiser, seconds or dessert in the sexual banquet. New recipes abound and can rejuvenate a stale palate. Even porn can evolve. Supporting this evolution is eminently sensible and far more likely to effect change than prohibition. (I’m a Psychiatrist, not a porn producer!)”

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