RELATIONSHIP SURGERY – AN INTERESTING SOCIAL EXPERIMENT?
An interesting website where people pose questions to the audience of unknown cybertherapists, credentialled or not, and await the flow of opinions. Here’s an example of a problem that I commented on.’
Is my relationship over? HELP. Please.
Here’s my situation: I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years (I’m 23 and he’s 27) and we moved in with each other 1 year ago. He is everything that I want in a husband- physically attractive, fun, loving, and professionally successful. Within the past 6 months, something has changed and we fight more often. However, he still plans on proposing to me in the very near future. I was on board with this until I started medical school in August. All of a sudden, I was bombarded with a 100 intelligent men & I found myself becoming attracted to several of them. Because we work in groups & are with eachother every day, we have all become friends and hang out on the weekends together. Recently, I have found myself becoming romantically interested in a few of them (to the point that we hang out one-on-on for dinner and such). I am ashamed of it- but one of them kissed me. I told him that it was inappropriate and couldn’t happen again. It is important to point out that I would never date this man- and I am not interested in anyone else specifically.
I don’t know why this is happening. I have the perfect man right in front of me yet I’m finding myself wanting to hang out, talk to, get to know, party and flirt with other (less attractive) men. The desire is strong too. What is wrong with me? Is this normal? Is my relationship over? Am I falling out of love with my boyfriend? Please help.
My comment was:
Jerome Gelb replied 4th November 2013 at 1:15pm
Seems the two of you have hit the inevitable point where rose coloured glasses are off and being with a real human being reveals itself to be far more complex than starry-eyed romance. The two of you need to discuss monogamy and how you each feel about it. It’s only one of several paradigms utilised by people in relationships. Honesty and open communication about your needs may reveal startling truths but is preferable to cheating, lying and denying who you really are. See a non-judgemental relationship counsellor together, separately or both. It will support your truthfulness and may assist you in partner choices. Right now, cease tempting yourself, because you will certainly stray and then be conflicted. Stay real in your relationship, admit temptation and suggest seeking guidance. If he’s worth persisting with, he’ll value your honesty and the chance to deal with this very common issue in a more down to earth, honest and far less stressful manner.
Others commented too:
“the #1 REASON most relationships don’t make it is 1 person always wants more than what they have and that’s life, we will always want more than what we have. You should see urself in his shoes, how would u feel if he was doing that to you? Surround urself with females and stay clear of other guys, when u r bored have the guy ur with who is planning on purposing to you to hang out with you instead of those other guys”
“I feel like you have begun to take your boyfriend for granted, rather than treasuring him to the fullest. Have your personal feelings changed towards him in any way, besides the fighting? I think you, if you truly want to be with your boyfriend, need to pull back a little from the relationships with your coworkers and try not to have one on one time with them if you are finding the temptation so hard to resist. I don’t think your relationship is over but you need to stop with the other men and think about your boyfriend. What do you think he will do if he finds out about your relations with the other men? If you are having that much of an issue, I’d also suggest talking to your boyfriend about it. He obviously loves you, so tell him that you are feeling distant (it seems like you are becoming distant) and see if you can work through it. Best of luck!”
Overall, this site makes for very interesting reading and there’s no barrier to having your say. Everyone has something to offer others struggling with relating. There are many channels or topics. Have a go!!!